real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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