That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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