All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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