i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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