I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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