The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
