apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
