Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
