Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
