I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
