He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
