The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
