This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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