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I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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