Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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