I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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