Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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