Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
