I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
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i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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