Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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