For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
