bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
