I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
