I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No subtext here. People are naked.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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