We won't sleep together?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
