it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just found puke in my bra..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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