i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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