At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
