If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
