he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize