That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
