My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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