Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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