Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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