so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
