i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
