we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
