my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
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I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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