He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
