i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just blew my weed a kiss
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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