I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
