the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize