Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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