I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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