If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
