if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
