I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet