I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
