you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's shark week go big or go home
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
