So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
