My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
