Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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