Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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