just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
