oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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