So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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