Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
