need another drink. this is the easiest way
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
