Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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