just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
