I can tuck mytits in my pants
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
